The Xiao Long Incident
by ElfCollaborator
Summary: Or ; What happens when Yang tries using aphrodisiacs to get Weiss and Ruby together and hilarity inevitably ensues, with Cardin and Jaune getting caught in the mess, Ruby in a maid outfit, Velvet being adorably yandere and Nora being Nora. Rated T for fanservice, shenangians. Reactsverse. Crack. Oneshot.


**The Xiao Long Incident**

**A/N: Yep, you heard right, another Reactsverse oneshot. For those curious why I'm not updating- not many I presume- I'm currently on my summer holidays and so with a wealth of free time, I've decided that I want to play more games and do other things. Don't worry, you'll get regular updates to the Reactsverse, but don't expect me to update at regular times or days- just be assured that they will happen. :)**

**For those curious, this takes place between Weiss Reacts chapters 68 and 69.**

**Also, because 'The Xiao Long Incident' sounds sufficiently ominous.**

**DISCLAIMER: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth, otherwise Emerald would be my waifu (along with Coco of course).**

* * *

"Ugh! Yang!" Weiss grumbled. "I can't believe she did it AGAIN!"

"Speak for yourself." Jaune rolled his eyes. "How do you think I feel?"  
"Guys..." Cardin muttered from behind them. "You're kinda...crushin' me..."

The banging on the door outside continued, followed by the squealing of fangirls. Weiss and Jaune pushed up to the wall, crushing Cardin further. "OW!"

"Sorry..."  
"Shush, Arc!"

"Weeeeeiiiiss! Let us iiiiiinnnnn!"  
"Loooooovvveeeee uuuuuuusss!"  
"W-Weiss..." This was Ruby, who, without even bothering to peep out, Weiss knew was in a state of undress that she found to be incredibly immodest. The heiress sighed.

"Yang...I swear...if we get out of this alive, I am going to kill you."

"Ugh. Speak for yourself. I'll kill that crazy bitch first." Cardin spoke from behind them.

"...where'd she even get those things?"  
"...It's Yang. What do you expect? Probably stole it from a lab...just like that stupid pheromone dust she threw at me...and didn't we just tell you this?!"

"How the hell did you even GET into this situation in the first place?" Cardin inquired in disbelief.

"It's Yang, Cardin. It's not hard." Jaune sighed. "I wish it was..."

Weiss muttered. "I don't even know how Xiao Long managed to get EVERYONE splattered in it! How?!"

* * *

One hour earlier...

Yang sat in the student lounge. The Malachite sisters were sitting nearby, chatting casually about various shipping pairs they loved to ship- Miltiades apparently preferred shipping yaoi and Melanie was a yuri fan. She was giggling quietly to herself.

"Heh...that last plan with the closet didn't work...although the pun was worth it..." The brawler mused. "So...just need to wait for the package..."

Using her friendship with Siegfried Schnee, Weiss' father and the CEO of the Schnee Dust Company, she had managed to gain a free sample of aphrodisiac Dust to give to Weiss and Ruby. The plan was to get them to spritz some on themselves like perfume so they'd finally, as he eloquently put it in their DustChat call, 'quit screwing around and get together like they should have months ago'.

Everyone in Beacon, most especially Yang, shared that sentiment- after all, Weiss had been tsundere for Ruby for years on end and there was a running pool on when they'd finally get together. Team JNPR bet they'd get together at graduation, Fox and Yatsuhashi- the two new guys from CFVY who joined the pool- bet they'd get together in college, while she and Blake bet they'd get together before then. Of course, the pair had been working on getting that done so they could collect- the pool was worth two hundred Lien as almost every student in their year, plus Cinder, Port and even Ozpin had bet something- yes, even the teachers shipped them together.

"Right, just waiting for the package now." Yang twiddled her fingers, turning to Melanie and Milly. "Hey, what're you two talking about again?"  
"Well, I'm saying the best pairing ever was Suzaku and Lelouch..." Milly crossed her arms.

"Nah, Homura and Madoka." Melanie retorted.

"Pfft, you WATCHED the movie with me! You know how that went!"  
"She did it out of love! And anyway, Suzaku did the same thing!"  
"Only because Lelouch TOLD him too!"

Yang tilted her head, confused. "Why are you two even arguing? They're not even in the same series!"  
"Their love is purer!" Milly protested.  
Her sister retorted. "No, my pairing's love is purer!"  
"Shut up! You both pair yourselves with Tsukune anyway..." Yang sighed, causing both girls to blush profusely.

"H-how did you know about that?!" Both girls asked in unison.  
"Really, when your handles are Miltiades Malachite and thecutestmelaniemalachite, it's pretty hard NOT to be able to tell who you are." The brawler shrugged.

"Says the one called Blonde Bombshell." Milly retorted. "And YOU pair yourself with Mizore!"  
"I pair myself with EVERYONE, darling." Yang winked teasingly. "Besides, who can resist the hotness~"

"I can." Melanie scoffed, her expression being of bemusement. Miltiades blushed slightly. "Eheh..."

"Delivery for a...Miss Xiao Long?" A Schnee deliveryman appeared at the doorway. The brawler stood up and walked over. "That's me. Where do I sign?"

"Here, here and...here."  
"Okay...thanks!" Yang took the passage and waved at him as he walked away. Eagerly, the brawler opened the package, revealing a small packet of Dust labelled 'Warning: Intense Aphrodisiac, Explosive Contents! Keep out of reach of small children," a small note saying "Good Luck" signed by Siegfried himself, and a coupon for more Schnee Dust Company products. Also included was a pair of perfume bottles; one was Weiss' favourite brand, Blumen von der Kalt, and the other Ruby's, Cherry Rose.

Yang smirked. Melanie poked her shoulder. "Hey, what's that for?"  
"Just...stuff."  
"An aphrodis- you're using this on Weiss and Ruby, aren't you?" Milly inquired.

"Yep."

"Good Dust, someone's getting things done in that department..." The girl in white sighed. "Everyone knows those two are dying to get together...if only Weiss would quit denying it."  
Yang nodded, standing up. "Yep. Now, if you excuse me, I have a bunch of adorable girls to pair together!"

"Good luck!" The Malachite sisters waved at Yang as she walked out, determined to get two of her one true threesome together.

If this worked, all she needed to do was get Jaune in somehow.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the school, Nora fiddled with a little project; essentially, an upgrade she planned for Magnhild, the Super Death Launcher of Death and Blowing Up Things- SDLBUT for short.

Essentially, a glorified railgun that shot artillery shells out of a handheld grenade launcher.

"Dum do dum dee..." Nora hummed tunelessly, crafting her tool of destruction. "Gonna get me some sloth-shaped pancakes...gonna get me a better railgun than mom..."

Ren poked her on her shoulder. "Uh...Nora..."  
"Yeeeeee~eeeees?"  
"...how are you CARRYING that thing? That thing's bigger than a Deathstalker's tail..."

"The sloth gods have given me..." Nora breathed in, hefting the SDLBUT up, preparing for her next line by providing a dramatic pause. "...the strength of ten sloths."

"Right." Ren nodded, going back to reading through his antic playbook. "Right...hm...perhaps I could...no, Lagann is far too well protected...hm. Maybe if I had enough tuna."

Nora hefted the SDLBUT and shoved it onto the end of Magnhild, adjusting it slightly and changing its settings. "Time to go test it out...and hopefully I don't blow up the servers like last time..." The warrior hopped out of the room, humming to the tune of 'I'm the Queen of the Cas-tle!". Ren sighed.

"...this is going to bite me in the backside, I know it."

* * *

Yang walked down the corridor. She'd successfully inserted the aphrodisiac into the perfume bottles and now she was going to go replace the bottles.

At this point, she fully expected Pyrrha or another person's antics to hit her-

"WEISS-SEMPAI!" Yang ducked and avoided Velvet's net as the crazed bunnygirl sailed overhead, upside down, with Vivi somehow clinging on to her ears, before the girl collided with the lamp and fell over.

"Ow..."  
"Pipipi..."

"...that's one. Probably the perfume." Yang sniffed the white bottle. "Yep, smells like Weiss...thankfully, the aphrodisiac doesn't work on me. I'm already hot for everyone~"

Giggling, she continued walking, before stopping at a certain square. "Hmm..." Rooting in her pockets, she rolled an empty Yellow Moose can across the square, which was immediately grappled by a net.

"Heh. Nice trap, Pyrrha." Yang giggled, looking over at the vending machine next to the trap. "...and you set it where Jaune likes going...sneaky girl.

I'm just better at predicting antics than you~"

Having triggered Pyrrha's trap, Yang turned the corner to head to her dorm, just as Nora rounded the corner.

"Heeeee~eeeeey Yang!"  
"Oh, hey Nora." The brawler waved at her, before goggling at the large gun she had in her hand. "What is THAT?!"

"The Super Death Launcher of Death And Blowing Up Things! The SDLBUT for short. Or Seedlebutt. I like that name. Oooh..."

Yang nodded. "Riiiiight."

"D'you wanna hold it?" Nora sidled up to her, offering her the railgun.

"I...uh-"  
"Wanna hold it?"  
"Uh, I'm not really-"

"Come on!"  
"Nora, I have pairs to be sh-"  
"HOLD IT NOW" Nora hissed. Yang flinched. "...okay..." Nora smiled happily, beginning to walk towards Yang. "See, that wasn't so hard was it-"

...and she walked right across a net trap. The trap pulled the girl up into the ceiling, forcing her to drop Magnhild with the device attached. Yang had only moments to open her mouth in surprise before the device misfired-

"You have got to be ki-"

* * *

Minutes later, elsewhere in Beacon...

Weiss looked up from her book- she was in the school library- hearing a faint 'boom'. She sighed. "What is Xiao Long doing THIS time?" Slamming her book shut with a brusque motion of her hand, the heiress stood up, trying to determine where the sound had come from.

"Our dorm...why am I suddenly scared?" The heiress mused. "No...I'd better make sure the damage isn't too bad-"  
Suddenly, a girl latched onto her, hugging her tightly.

"G-gah!"  
"W-weiss...w-will you please...l-love me..."

"N-no!" The heiress shoved the girl off of her and she curled up on the floor, pouting.

Weiss scoffed. "Dust, some stalkers nowadays." She walked towards the entrance when she saw yet another girl try to accost her.

"Weiss...I-I never realised this...b-but I think I love you..."  
"What? Get out of my way." Weiss pushed her aside and moved outside into the corridors. "Dust, what is WITH people to-oh.

You have GOT to be kidding me!"

All around her, she could see students kissing, making out and doing other things in various states of undress, wherever they could. The faint smell of what she assumed to be a strangely alluring mix of roses and lavenders filled the air.

"Wait...is that...my...and Ruby's...perfume?" Weiss sniffed. "...oh Dust, Yang..." The heiress looked around, concerned for her own safety and modesty. She could see several fanboys- and girls- staring at her, drooling, with lust in their eyes.

"...what in the name of Dust have you done?!"

"It's W-weiss..." The group of Weiss fans blushed and ran towards her. The heiress' eyes widened and she spawned several glyphs under her, using those to slide away from them.

"Dust...I have to find out what's going on...I have to-"

"Ooof!" Suddenly, Weiss collided straight into Jaune and both were sent tumbling around the corner. Pyrrha's desperate shouting could be heard from Jaune's direction.

Weiss shook her head and pulled herself up, brushing the dust off of her. "Ugh! Arc, watch where you're going!"  
"Well, if you'd notice, I'm a bit busy running from fangirls..." Jaune pointed behind him, where Pyrrha- in nothing but a red bra and panties- and other girls in various states of undress were chasing after him. Weiss swore she could even see some guys in there.

"I've got the same situation. Come on!" Weiss grabbed Jaune's hand and pulled him towards her. "Hope you don't get motion sick."  
"I get AIR-sick, not mo-"

The heiress and Jaune slid away from their pursuers on glyphs. Jaune squealed, clinging tightly to Weiss.

"H-hey! Y-you're going too fast!"  
"If it's a choice between saving both our backsides and making you vomit, I think I'll take your vomit."  
"G-gaaaaah!"

"W-Weiss..." The loud pounding of feet could be heard behind them, as Weiss saw Ruby, dressed in what had to be the skimpiest maid costume ever, chasing after them with her Semblance.

Weiss had to admit that the image was utterly adorable- and, situation be damned, _sexy_- but now wasn't the time to have lewd thoughts. In fact, now was the worst possible time to be having lewd thoughts.

The knight looked behind him in disbelief. "I-Is that RUBY?!"  
"Tch, whatever Xiao Long did THIS time, it got EVERYONE!"

"How do you know it's Yang?"  
"It's Yang! What did you expect?!"  
"Point taken."

"Come back, Weiss..." Ruby was still running after them. "Come back!"  
"When you're not being currently affected by a stupid antic and dressed properly, THEN we'll tal-AHHH!"

"What?!" Jaune looked forward as Weiss saw Velvet, in a tight leotard showing off far more than Weiss wished to see- pushing a net forwards on to them.

"Yes! I will finally get my Weiss-sempai!" The bunnygirl squeed happily. Vivi was still on her head, clinging to her ears.

"W-Weiss! Stop!"  
"I-I can't! I can't spawn a glyph fast enough and our momentum's too much for us! She's got us-"

"GET! BENT! PERVERT!"

"Huh-" Velvet barely had time to look to her right before she was bowled over by the hulking mass of Cardin Winchester. Extending his arms, he caught his two smaller peers in a bear hug.

Weiss looked up in disbelief. "Cardin?!"  
"Yeah. You need to start explainin' things." Cardin lowered them as he saw Ruby round the corner, in her skimpy costume.

"A lotta things."

"Just get us out of here!" Jaune pleaded in a panicky tone.

"Come on!" He pushed the other two into the corridor he came from and ran behind them, protecting them from view. When Ruby turned to look at them, all she saw was the back of the larger student.

She pouted and sighed. "No Weiss..." The crimsonette turned away and ran.

* * *

"Huh." Cardin nodded at the pair. They were sitting in a bench not far from RWBY dorm, located safely behind several vending machines. "So...you think Yang did it?"  
"I _know_ Yang did it. Seriously, it smells like aphrodisi-oh my Dust." Weiss stopped. "...no...my father did NOT just give Yang aphrodisiacs."  
"Huh?" Jaune tilted his head.

"My father was working on this aphrodisiac Dust as a love supplement or something. He showed me its effects on people..." The heiress sighed. "...great. My father and Yang are in cahoots. Perfect. Just what I needed."  
Cardin tilted his head. "Wait, why would your dad give Yang those?"  
"Not hard. He wanted me to get with Ruby. S-stupid...I don't even LIKE her!" Weiss grumbled, blushing.

"Huh. Well..." Cardin nodded his head towards the front of RWBY dorm, where a clear fluid was swirling and the perfume scent was strongest; also there was what looked to be the mangled pieces of a railgun and a lot of soot. "Guess we know where that came from."

"...and it smells like Ruby too..." Weiss mused, before hurriedly changing her statement. "I-I mean, seriously! What was Yang thinking?"  
Jaune raised a finger, thinking. "Wait...if the entire school's affected, then how come us three aren't?"  
Weiss sighed. "Well, Cardin here's Melanie-sexual, you're an idiot, and I grew up exposed to Dust every day."

"It's true. Can't fault ya." Cardin sighed. "Melanie was trying pretty hard to get on to me...dammit." He blushed, sighing. "I-I mean, I love the girl...but y'know, her doing _that_ kinda thing in public..."  
The heiress clenched her fist, muttering, "When I find Xiao Long, I am going to FEED that girl her entrails."

"Hey, take a number and get in line. Someone needs to tell her to get bent...damn pervert." Cardin grumbled.

Jaune looked worriedly at them, protesting. "W-what about me!? I was chased by a half-naked Pyrrha and what I THINK was Russell in his boxers!"  
"Jaune, that's just your Semblance." Weiss sighed. "I'm surprised it's not working on me right now...s-stupid..."

"Eh." Cardin shrugged. Suddenly...

"There they are!"

"What?"  
"Crap!"  
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me." Weiss looked around to see a lot of very lustful girls and boys chasing after them. "...Dust! Everyone get moving!"

Cardin lumbered up and picked up Jaune, before bundling him over his shoulder- much to the latter's distress, judging by his panicked cries- and running. Weiss slid using her glyphs.

"Come back!"

"Weiss..."  
"W-we love you..."

"Quickly, in here!" Cardin opened up a janitor's closet and shoved Jaune in there, before moving in there himself. Weiss followed suit, barring the door with a nearby mop.

* * *

Shortly after the present...

"That broom ain't holding out much longer." Cardin nodded towards the broom, which was cracking with the effort of keeping Ruby's weight out. Weiss and Jaune looked at each other, gulping.

"...this might be the end..."

"...n-no..."

"Why are you guys crappin' yourselves?" Cardin tilted his head. "It's not like you're gonna die..."  
The heiress trembled. "Jaune...if...you get away..."  
"What?" The knight asked.  
"...then...tell Ruby...to stay the HELL away from my sorbet!"  
"...is THAT what you're using your last wish for? No goodbye kiss to Ruby, no will, no nothing?"  
"D-don't judge me! Freaking idiot!"

"Would you two SHUT UP?!" Cardin roared.

Suddenly, the door fell down, and a lustful Ruby stared at Weiss, licking her lips.

"Weiss...finally..."

"Not so fast, Rubes!"

"You have got to be kidd-" The crimsonette was knocked down by Yang, whose hair was covered in soot and whose dress was damp and burnt at the same time. She looked dishevelled and irritated.

"Yang? What the Dust did you-"  
"Not in the mood to explain. My hair is RUINED!"

"You think your day's ruined?" Jaune glared at her. "I had half the girls in the cafeteria try and grope me!"  
"But my perf hair is ruined..." Yang pouted.

Weiss threw her hands up in exasperation. "Ugh. Just how long will it take for this to wear off?"

"...couple of hours." Yang shrugged. "I kinda planned on locking you and Ruby in a room together so you two could work out your tens-"

The brawler suddenly realised that she was surrounded by Weiss, Jaune and Cardin, who all looked very annoyed.

"...g-guys?"

"...let's play an antic on HER for once."  
"Teach this perv to get bent!"  
"Yang, you went too far this time!"

"Heheh...heh...crap." Yang crumpled to the floor. "J-just not the hair! Not the hair!"

Her screams could be heard throughout the school that day.

* * *

Later, at Schnee Manor...

Siegfried Schnee sat down in what he affectionately dubbed his mancave; a room he'd 'reclaimed', for lack of a better word, from the orderliness and peace of the rest of the manor. It was in a state of disarray and madness, with magazines, anime and movie cases scattered around the tables, the billiards table covered in a dirty cloth, a crafting workshop to the left of the room covered in power tools and containers of Dust and even his SchneeVision TV faintly reeked of beer and sawdust.

The only clean thing in the room was a small picture on his work desk, a picture of himself, Freya Schnee, his wife, and baby Weiss, sitting in the backstage of one of his wife's concerts. It was a photo he cherished, a photo he loved, and he kept it with him where he could. He knew Freya was coming to Vale soon, and as he hadn't managed to see, speak or even go near her for four years, he missed her terribly.

He sighed, sipping a mug of coffee labelled 'MANLIEST DAD IN VALE', watching his TV, giving him a live feed of Beacon's cameras. He was chuckling.

"Ah, Yang..." He smirked. "And Emmy Valkyrie's daughter...ah, but I'm stupid. I forgot my own daughter was immune to that Dust...dammit.

Wait..." He paused, looking at a picture of Yang tied up, hung from the top of the Hunter's Fountain, wriggling, while Ren and Velvet were looking at her, confused.

In the corner of the feed, he could see Weiss walking off with a smirk. He chuckled.

"Ah, Weiss. Sometimes, your capacity for petty vengeance amazes me.

Then again, you learned from the best and manliest antic master in all of Vale..." He laughed uproariously and proudly.

"...if only you'd get together with Ruby already. What your mother would say if she knew..." The man sighed, leaning back in his comfy chair and taking another sip from his mug.

Today was a good day.

* * *

**END**

* * *

**A/N: Woo. Well...this is what happens when you slip them aphrodisiacs. ;3**

**Well, I hope you enjoyed that, leave your ideas, thoughts, reviews, comments and suggestions and I hope you have a great day! Until next time!**


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